Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Posted by Lisa at 8:58 PM
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Posted by Lisa at 2:59 PM
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Not long after we brought newborn Moses home from the hospital Matt left to drive out to Florida where we were going to live for the summer. I stayed at my parents' house with Ava and Moses until we would fly out there to be with Matt. That never ended up happening and Matthew came back to work in Utah. During those long days and longer nights without Matt I struggled. Sleep deprivation is never easy and my body was still recovering from my very recent miscarriage. More than that I struggled with a mother's grief--not mine, hers; which, in one of the many ways two strangers connected, became mine also. I wrestled with my son's loss and wondered if I could ever be enough to patch up that gaping hole. Every time he cried, I cried with him. I held him in my bed throughout the night, just as she had not long before. I whispered through tears, words about two mothers and a love it would take him a long time to understand.
Those days were incredibly happy too. I was in love and it was new and joyful. Moses was the snuggliest baby ever and when I held him, he held on back. I was overcome with the enormity of the ways I had been blessed. I was a proud mama of that beautiful boy.
I still tell him about those two mothers, and many times it is still with tears in my eyes. I often think about those same mothers sitting outside a hospital in the sunshine, crying together, right before one got on an airplane alone and one drove home with a baby. Life is never one or the other, it is joy and pain together. Moses experienced loss earlier than most, but he has also known a wholly selfless love. Everyday I hope to be the mother she did so much to give to him.
Posted by Lisa at 9:32 AM
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Posted by Lisa at 12:07 PM
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
If you have adopted a child--voila--you are automatically a lifetime member. I entered the club officially on May 12, 2007 when guardianship of a certain brown-eyed boy was signed into my name. And even though the law didn't recognize me as his parent until November 21, to say that he was not "mine" until then--well, them's just fightin' words.
There are all kinds in the AMC. All kinds of hows and whys. All kinds of whens and wheres. Sometimes we are united by our shared experiences, and sometimes even the common ground is not enough to forge a real bond. So we choose those who lift us up and we keep them close.
I have not struggled with infertility like the vast majority of adoptive mamas. There was no grieving process for me to wade through before I considered adoption. So I cannot fully relate to most of them on that level. I made the decision to adopt long before I was married and trying to become pregnant. However, I gained some understanding of that grief when I experienced my first miscarriage 8 days before the birth of my son. My grieving over the loss and my joy in adopting happened simultaneously; somewhat seperate, yet inevitably intertwined.
Just like in the general population, there are varying opinions of birthmothers/fathers in the adoptive community. It is nice to think that there are other people in the world who just might really know what it is to love the woman who gave you a miracle. It is nice to have someone else who understands the battle we fight to protect the birthmother's/father's name and our child's right to their own story. It is nice to stand beside others to declare to the world that birthmothers are not the sixteen-year-old druggies that you think they are. They are mothers, in every sense of that word.
On the other hand, it is disheartening to see an adoptive mom not fulfill the contact agreement-letters, pictures, phone calls, visits, etc.-because she can't be bothered, because "other" moms don't have to do that for their kids, or because contact somehow threatens her own motherhood. It is sickening to have to walk out of a room because you just heard an adoptive mom tell somebody that they don't send pictures anymore because, "It's been a year and we are just over that. We've moved on with our lives."
Before you adopt you think you know a lot more about adoption than you do after the fact. One day you wake up to find your sweet little baby is three and can understand when a stranger asks a probably-innocent-but-completely-inappropriate-not-to-mention-stupid question in front of them. Or a family member makes a comment about your "real kids". Or someone at church tells you how noble you are for adopting. It's then you realize that all those responses you thought you had prepared fly right out the window. And it's then that the only people you can hash it all out with are the AMC (after your husband of course). They are the ones that really get that yes, the little remarks matter, yes, our children notice and learn from how well and how quick we respond, and yes, what we really wanted to do was blow up in their face but that was not in the best interest of our child--you know, the one that we want to hide from the ignorance of the world because we've never loved anything like we love them. Yeah, that one.
The AMC is where you go to discuss birthparent gifts and lifebooks. It's where you go to talk lawyers and birth certificates. It's where people know just what a big deal finalization is and the relief of not having to officially document all that is parenting anymore. It's where we find inspiration and where we learn from those that have gone before so we can pass it on down the line. It's where we learn from others' mistakes and where it's okay to admit our own as we cry buckets of tears. It's where we ask questions that might sound bizarre to others and where we go to freak out because sometimes we need to do that. The AMC is all of these things and more. We're just a bunch of mothers trying to get it right, change the bad and the ugly, and love our babies like there's no tomorrow.
*A special thank you to the few people in my life who, having never lived it, get it anyway. I have dubbed you honorary members of my AMC.
Posted by Lisa at 7:42 AM
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Posted by Lisa at 3:37 PM
Monday, November 1, 2010
...life has been a little teensy-tiny bit hard as of late. Claire and her family are constantly on my mind. I find myself struggling with the worry, and the not knowing, and the questions that can't be answered. My mind swirls with questions of faith, and healing, and plans that are not ours. I feel the need to enjoy my children more and more often, and the guilt of continuing life normally when it seems nothing is normal at all.
...lately I've been feeling the pull towards things beyond this everyday of mine. Things I need to do. Things besides get on the treadmill more and have my hair done. You see, I'm kind of in charge of these three little people and they are going to do big things, or maybe small things that really matter. And I've got to show them how.
...it's November. National Adoption Month. You remembered, didn't you? I'm not going to say that I will post everyday about adoption because.. I won't. Obviously I have many strong feelings/opinions about adoption and everything that goes with it, but you are not going to get it all on blogger. That being said, November is a month dear to our hearts around here, in which we have much to celebrate, and I think I can come up with a post (or two) having to do with this crazy little thing called adoption in the next 30 days.
Posted by Lisa at 8:06 PM
Monday, October 25, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Posted by Lisa at 5:17 PM
Monday, October 11, 2010
A few things you should know about Moses:
- his favorite color is red
- his favorite food is ramen noodles
- his favorite treat is cookies
- his favorite thing to do outside is hit the ball
- his favorite sister is Ava
- his favorite baby is Tate
- his favorite friend is Ava
- his favorite toy is Woody
- his favorite super hero is Dash
Moses has gotten really good lately at building train tracks (bigger and much more elaborate than in this picture). Obviously a good train track must consist of bridges and tunnels and lots of curves. Mommy is NO GOOD at track building.
Matt has also reported that Moses can throw a football straighter and further than the five-year-old next door who is actually on a football team. And this was after the first time Mos had thrown one.
Posted by Lisa at 9:49 AM
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
We loved feeding the dolphins until Mos threw one of Ava's fish. Then the world almost ended. It was very close but some how there was a small light at the end of the tunnel and she was able to recover.
The dolphins still feel like wet rubber -just in case you were wondering. They are not warm and fuzzy like a puppy.
Posted by Lisa at 4:24 AM
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Posted by Lisa at 7:13 PM
Posted by Lisa at 5:32 PM
Ava got a full-time job, I mean, started kindergarten. It's pretty much the same thing since kindergarten is from 7:45am-3:00pm. However, she loves it. She almost went crazy waiting for August 23rd, but she made it and here she is on the big day.
Posted by Lisa at 3:20 PM
Kim, Stuart and family stopped by for a day on their move to Reno. It was a lot of fun. We did not do much because it was Sunday but we went to the park and just hung out. We tried to get a Sunday afternoon nap in but this house is too small to try to escape the noise. Kim was happy to do Ava's hair and Ava loves getting her hair done.
Posted by Lisa at 2:52 PM
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Posted by Lisa at 6:48 AM
Monday, July 19, 2010
Posted by Lisa at 8:39 PM
Thursday, July 15, 2010
I stopped by my office yesterday -it seems to be on time in fact they called me and told me that they might be able to open on 26 of July. So this is what it looks like. Right when we left they were about to paint the front and start putting up the sign.
Posted by Lisa at 5:39 AM